Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I think I Am Going To Be Sick (in a good way)

With less than 24 hours before the scheduled birth of our second daughter Kiki, I thought it might be interesting to try to describe what is going through my head right now.  It is a lovely mixture of fear, excitement, elation, anxiety and anticipation which eliminates any hope of a good night sleep and does a number on the digestive tract.  When we were anxiously waiting for Coco to be born, our friends Scott and Ron used to tell us, “just enjoy the feelings of uncertainty and mystery as you sit at a major crossroads in your life”.  Definitely not what I wanted to hear at the time, yet sage advice nonetheless.  This may be the last time in my life I am feeling this, so I might as well enjoy it.

The feeling of being past the 38th week of pregnancy feels a bit like the week before Christmas when I was 8 years old, times 10.  There is so much anticipation that I could implode.  I remember being a kid and wishing that I could magically transport to the morning that Santa arrives.  Over the years I learned to just not focus on it, because I could drive myself crazy.  I am channeling those tools a lot lately.

The difference between Xmas and pregnancy is that the latter can come at any moment; it is not a fixed date.  So I need to not obsess over the due date, lest I go insane, but at the same time, I need to ready to rush to the hospital at a moment’s notice.  I used to pray that I not get the call at 4pm in the afternoon and need to battle the 405 traffic during rush hour.  It could take three hours to get from Century City to Thousand Oaks at that time.

The other difference with Xmas is that we are not unwrapping a present that we will forget about 6 months from opening it, we are going to meet our daughter, who will be one of the most important people in our lives!! So many unanswered questions:

·         Will she be healthy?

·         Will there be complications to the delivery?

·         What is she going to look like? (she is going to be a mixture of three different races and could have a wide variety of physical features)

·         What is her personality going to be like?  Will she and Coco get along?

·         Are we ready for this?

·         Will she discover the cure for cancer?  The first female president of the US?

I can’t imagine what it must be like to be a woman giving birth through all of this.  They probably have all of the above emotions plus need to worry about pushing an 8 pound bowling ball through their crotch. 

Experiencing a birth and the anxiety leading up to it are one of the true joys of life…but I am ready to be on the other side of this and meet our precious little Kiki!


April M said...

Chris and Victor, as a mom who has been there three times before, and read your thoughts here with fond memories of my own, I can honestly tell you this: after week 38 of a pregnancy, a lot of women, though VERY excited, are just thrilled at the prospect of not having a baby sitting on their bladder, pushing on their stomach, and limiting lung capacity. When I found out I was pregnant the first time, I remember being petrified about delivery. But by the time it was closer to my due date (and my first so thoughtfully arrived ON her due date!), I was so uncomfortable that I was eager to deliver. Also, as odd at this sounds, I could not want to smell their hair. I always love the smell of my children, and became consumed with that thought near the end of my second and third pregnancies...

I truly hope all goes well tomorrow. I'll say a prayer that Kiki arrives safely, that Kira has an uncomplicated delivery and recovery, and that you all adjust well to the new dynamic of your family. Many blessings to you all!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing, Chris! All the best to the four of you! Tom Foster