Saturday, May 2, 2009

What Led Me to Surrogacy

Let me start off by saying, it's an honor and a privilege to be asked by Victor and Chris to contribute to their blog! Thanks guys:) Hopefully, in the near future, I'll be able to share my thoughts, feelings and experiences with all of you, while I bake their precious little bundle of joy! So stayed tuned! I'm sure that Victor & Chris will keep you all updated regarding the outcome of our upcoming embryo transfer.

I guess I should start off by saying, nothing compares to being able to bring a life into this world. Pregnancy, labor and delivery are incredible experiences, that I wish everyone could feel first hand. But, unfortunately half of us don't have the required "plumbing," so it's left up to the women of the world, to take on the task of pregnancy & childbirth.

Hmmm... What led me to surrogacy? It's a combination of things really.

After finding out the sex of my second child, I knew(for several reasons) that my husband and I were done having children. We already had one little boy that was a handful, and soon, we would be adding a little girl to our family. Two parents, and two children(a boy & a girl,) our family was complete.

As the second half of my pregnancy progressed, I began to feel a little sad here and there, thinking, "Soon, I'll never again get to experience what's it's like to feel my baby kick," or "I'll never again feel the excitement of that first contraction, wondering, is this it!?" These feelings were definitely a driving force in pursuing surrogacy.

Now, back up a little... When I was early in my first trimester, my dear friend...we'll call her "Audrina" for the story's sake(This is what I wanted to name my daughter Ellora, but unfortunately my hubby got a say,lol!) was also pregnant(about 5 months along with B/G twins conceived through IVF.) At 21 weeks into her pregnancy, Audrina, pulled into her driveway after a morning of shopping. When she got out of her car, the amniotic sac around her little girl broke. To make a long story short, both babies passed away, and needless to say, Audrina and her family were left devastated. This was Audrina's third attempt to have a baby with medical intervention, and it had ended badly. Over the next year, I watched Audrina try to cope with what had happened(while she watched me go through my entire pregnancy.) If the timing had been right, I would have offered myself as a surrogate, so she and her hubby could have the baby they've always dreamed of! However, I'm happy to report, even though she was given a slim to none chance of getting pregnant on her own, she's expecting a little girl this summer! Going through the pain and suffering of infertility with Audrina, made me think that maybe I could help someone(if not her) in a similar situation. After all, I've had 2 relatively easy, uncomplicated pregnancies. And, less than 3 hours of active labor before delivering. Maybe, just maybe, I could be a surrogate!

Around the same time I started to look into surrogacy, I was talking to my mom about my little brother who's gay. My mom was worrying about "What would become of him," because he's young, and still trying to find himself & where he fits in(career wise, relationship wise, etc). You know, typical parent worries,lol! For some reason, this particular conversation got me thinking, "Well, when he does settle down, what if he wants children?" I guess at the time, I assumed most gay couples pursued adoption. But, as I continued my surrogacy research, I noticed that there were several agencies that had a large portion of IFs(Intended Fathers) as their client base. Helping IFs was very appealing to me, as I'm a huge supporter of gay couples getting married & starting families and, gay rights in general.

As I applied to become a surrogate, I was open to helping either a traditional couple or a gay couple. I'll write more about my ultimate decision to choose IFs, and why I specifically chose Victor & Chris later....

Thanks for reading!



J-Fly said...

This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. What an inspiration!

thinggtwoo said...

Thank you for helping Chris & Victor, and for your Love and Loveliness!