Thursday, May 14, 2009

Why I chose to be a Surrogate for Intended Fathers

I figure I'd better write about this before our next transfer, so I don't get too far behind....

So, as I said in my previous post, at first, I was open to working with either a traditional couple, or a gay couple. However, after doing further research, I decided I wanted to work with IFs.

These are my reasons why....

Of course, the main reason why I chose to work with IFs is because, I fully support gay couples having a family, and wanted to be a part of that process for one very special couple! But, there are also two additional reasons why I chose IFs.

Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to any woman that has battled, is battling, or will battle infertility. The following is my opinion, and what I have found to be true in some(not all) surrogate/traditional intended parent relationships.

The first reason why I chose IFs is because, I felt they would have less emotional baggage(for lack of a better word) than traditional couples. I wanted my first experience as a GS(gestational surrogate) to be a happy one. When a gay couple decides to have a child, it's a no brainer. In order to achieve their dream, there has to be a woman involved in one way or another. Men don't have the expectation that they will experience pregnancy & birth first hand, so there isn't the sense of loss, that a woman choosing surrogacy(usually as a last resort) might have.

As a first time GS, I'm not sure I would have been emotionally equipped to deal with all the feelings an IM(Intended Mother) trying to cope with infertility would have. Not only does she have to come to terms with not being able to carry her own child, but she has to accept that another woman is going to carry her husbands baby. My heart goes out to all the IMs out there, for their strength, and courage :-)

The second reason why I chose IFs, has to do with having a relationship with my IPs/baby after the birth...

While doing my surrogacy research, I'd read many heartbreaking stories written by devastated surrogates. Their IMs/IPs had promised to remain in contact with them following the baby's birth, but lied(maybe not intentionally) to them. Everything was great during the pregnancy, but eventually the IM wanted to be the only "mother" in the child's life, so they cut all ties with their surrogate, leaving her to pick up the pieces. This is clearly not an option for most surrogates. After nurturing a baby in the womb for nine months, it's not possible to simply forget about the baby, or your IPs for that matter. In contrast, most of the IF stories I read had happy endings! With IFs, the surrogate is not viewed as "the other woman," and they aren't typically threatened by the potential relationship the surrogate may form with their child. Obviously, not all traditional couples treat their surrogate this way. However, after reading several tragic stories, I felt like I wasn't willing to take the chance of this happening to me(at least for my first journey.)

Obviously, my posts a long-winded, so I'll write about why I specifically chose Victor & Chris next time!

Thanks for reading & Happy 40th Birthday Chris!! (((Hugs!!))

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