Meditation, Fear & Faith

So, the embryo transfer went well and Kira has been on bed rest for the past 2 days and all there is to do now is wait. This is the 3rd time we've been through the 10-day wait to receive our pregnancy test results and it is still challenging. 

The past couple of times, I've relied heavily on meditation to relieve the anxiety of the wait. Meditation works for me and allows me to turn off my brain and stop thinking about all the things I cannot change! Yesterday, I did a meditation in my hotel room focused on the following phrase.

"Fear is the absence of Faith"

So, why did I chose that phrase? Well, mainly because I have a lot of fear about what may or may not happen on June 1st when we receive the results of our pregnancy test. I'm afraid we won't be pregnant and I'm afraid we will be pregnant and something will go wrong. Ultimately, I'm afraid that I won't get what I WANT and that's the rub! It's really not about what I want, is it? It's really about what the universe wants for me. Now, I fully believe that the universe wants me and Chris to have a family and that we will have children but this is not about instant gratification and we have to be patient and have faith that it will happen. That's how I got to the meditation yesterday.

How can I be afraid if I TRULY believe and have FAITH that we will have a family and that the universe is working towards helping us achieve that goal. This is really where the "rubber meets the road", where I have to put into practice all the things that I say and repeat to myself constantly. I can not be simultaneously afraid and faithful because where faith exists fear can't reside. 

On June 1st, we will find out if we are pregnant. In the meantime, there's nothing I can do to change the outcome. I BELIEVE we will have a family soon. No matter what the results are on June 1st, we will be fine and no matter what I will not allow my faith to falter.

Fear is the Absence of Faith and TODAY I am not afraid!