Letter to Los Robles Hospital

Social changes usually comes gradually, but sometimes it comes quickly. The night that Coco was born, we were surprised to be asked to leave the hospital when visiting hours ended. We were initially told that we would be allowed to stay, provided a room was available. While disappointing at the time, our incident appears to have raised the awareness of how unfair the hospital's surrogacy policy is. The family of the surrogate was allowed to stay overnight, but the intended parents were not, while the newborn sat alone in the nursery on the first night of its life. There was a very strong reaction to our letter and we were assured that the policy had indeed changed.

For those of you going through the surrogacy process, this is an important thing to talk through with the hospital before the birth. If the overnight policy is not in writing, it is subject to the discretion of whoever is on duty that night in the Labor and Delivery wing.


April,11, 2012

Mr. Greg Angle
President and CEO
Los Robles Regional Medical Center
215 West Janss Road
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360-1847

Dear Mr. Angle,

I am writing to bring to your attention some unfortunate practices that occurred at Los Robles during the birth of our daughter, Coco Lee Fraley Self on February 4, 2010 that led to a negative impression of your facility.

A few hours after our surrogate, Kira Sanders, gave birth to our daughter Coco, my husband and I, her legal parents and the only people who had a band to remove her from the nursery, were told to leave the hospital. A member of the hospital administration stopped by the following day attempt to explain the policies of the hospital, but it was clear that there were a number of loopholes and inconsistencies in the policies and practices of the hospital. I am writing to understand if any progress has been made to clarify those practices.

When we had our initial interview with the hospital staff, it was clear that we could not be guaranteed a room to spend the night, but that they would allow us to stay in an extra room if it were available. We had been assigned a room before we were asked to leave around 10 pm on February 4, 2010 and that room was still empty when we returned at 6:30 am the following morning. The hospital administrator who stopped by the morning of February 5th told us that we were not allowed to stay overnight because we were not registered patients. Ironically, our surrogate’s husband was invited to stay.

We understand that our situation is not typical. The execution of a very clear policy of overnight visitation rights would remove the possibility of prejudice or discrimination, and avoid turning a moment that should be one of the most beautiful moments in a parents’ life, into feeling as though we are second class parents.

I would be happy to meet with you or one of your staff to discuss this matter further. We are expecting to have a baby on or about May 8th under the same circumstances. We are hoping to use your facilities and it would be helpful to hear if this procedure has been clarified.

Sincerely,


Chris Fraley

31 Week Doctor Appointment

Yesterday we headed up to Thousand Oaks to meet Kira for our 31 Week checkup and ultrasound. Everything looks great. Kiki is tracking a little on the bigger side. Her estimate weigt is 3 pounds 9 ounces. Kira says she is starting to get a little more active, especially at night.



We stll have not gotten a great ultrasound photo of Kiki. This was my favorite from yesterday. You can see her chunky cheeks. I can't wait to meet her!

Finally settled on a name!

So we finally decided that we are going to name our new daughter... Kiki!

As some of you may know, we had originally thought that we were going to name her Bunny(i). Victor and I both loved the name, and Coco sounded so cute when she said it. We had lots of bunnies running around our yard in Rye and Coco used to love to scream "Bunny!" whenever she saw them. Nene loved to take off chasing them too...much to our dismay.

Coco got very accustomed to referring to her sister as Bunny(i). Around 25 weeks, Victor brought Coco with him to Kira's doctor appointment and she got to listen to her sister's heartbeat. She clearly understood that her sister was inside of Kira. We would ask her, "Coco, what is your sister's name?" and she would say "Bunny!" Then we would ask her, " Where is Bunny(i)??" She would say, "Kira's Tummy!" One day, we heard her screech from the backseat of the car, "I want Bunny(i)!" She clearly can not wait to meet her new sister.

The reaction to our choice of names was a bit more dramatic than we had expected. At least five people (some extremely close friends and others that we did not know that well) exclaimed when we mentioned our proposed name, "OH PLEASE DON'T DO THAT!" Others thought it was kind of cute and charming. The main concern seemed to be that she would not be taken seriously with a name like Bunny. We do want to make it clear, however, that the decision to change her name was purely our choice and we are not succumbing to social pressure!! :)

Victor and I were having a difficult time agreeing on the spelling of the name. I wanted to spell it Bunny, Victor was really stuck on Bunni. It looked as though we were going to settle on Bunnie.

One morning last week, the three of us were sitting in our den in LA. I was reading a book to Coco that was illustrated by a woman named Kiki. I realized immediately that I loved the name. I said to Victor, "What do you think of the name Kiki??" Victor loved it and clearly Coco did too. We asked Coco if she liked the name Bunny(i) or Kiki for her sister, she said wildly, "Kiki! Kiki! Kiki!" And so it was settled.

Coco, Kiki and Nene...it does have a ring to it....doesn't it??

I am writing this so that one day Kiki will understand the story behind her name, lest we forget. She might get a kick out of understanding that she was almost named Bunny. I guess she can always change it to Bunny if she wants and she can spell it however she would like. My parents told me that if I were a girl, they were going to name me Daisy Marie. Thank goodness for that male chromosome!

Here we go!!

Here we go again!! The countdown to daddyhood is back! Next week we will will be 30 weeks pregnant!! We are due on May 8th. The journey has been great so far.



The embryo transfer took place on Friday, August 19th. We had three healthy embryos from the retrieval and fertilization. Normally, the transfer would take place after six days, but our doctor recommended that we transfer on the third day. Given that we would have been happy with the higher probability of twins, the doctor recommended that we transfer all three.





Here is Kira on transfer day. Kira gave birth to Coco and we are soo fortunate that she and her family agreed to go through the process again. After the transfer, Kira needed to be on two days of bed rest, so we checked into a nice hotel nearby and we tried to pamper her as much as possible. We must have watched 10 episodes of "Living with the Kardashians"!



Yipee!! It worked. Here was the six week ultrasound. At first, the doctor thought that he heard two heartbeats, but on the second check, there was only one. At twelve weeks, at the first trimester checkup, the doctor said, "would you like to know the gender?" We were a little confused because we thought that you could only tell at 16-20 weeks. We said, "of course!" He said, "It's a Girl!" We were thrilled, but a bit suspect because we have had friends that were told it was a girl at 12 weeks, but later told it was a boy. In any event, it was all good news.

Here is our daughter at 20 weeks. She was a little camera shy. Dr. Poliakin kept trying to get her to take a good picture, but she kept rolling over. He did say that she is tracking to be a big girl.

Kira had been very nauseous in the first trimester, but it had subsided by about this point and she started to enjoy some movement. She was kicking and moving a little bit, but was nowhere near as active as Coco.

New Blog

Thank you so much for being a part of our journey to Daddyhood! It has been quite a trip!

Now, it's time for the next phase of our adventure and we've started a new blog! Check out http://cocosdads.blogspot.com/ to follow our exploits in parenthood.

Cheers!

Coco and more Coco

Coco arrived!

Coco was born on Thursday, February 4th at 1:27 PM weighing 8 lbs. 9 oz. and measuring 19.5 inches. She is our perfect little angel and we are so in love with her.

Thank you all for all your support throughout our journey. Stay tuned for details on life with Coco!