More pics

View of chunky cheeks!

Definitely a snuggler.  Kiki loves her tummy time!

The whole family!

Kiki loves her bathtime!

More Kiki and Coco

 Dr Fraley Self administering vitals on Kiki












Coco can't get enough of Kiki

Coco and Kiki

One of the biggest questions that we have is how is Coco dealing with the new arrival?  Leading up to the birth, somedays she was brimming with excitement, and other days she didn't want her to come.  Coco loves babies.  She rarely leaves the house without a doll tucked under her arm and if she sees a stroller accross the street, she will want to cross over to see if there is a baby inside.  She can also be very maternal with younger children.  All of these are great signs.

The day that Kiki was born, Jenny, our Nanny, woke Coco up from her nap by saying, "Come on Coco, lets go see Kiki!"  Normally, Coco would be groggy and a little cranky for half an hour after her nap, but she bounded out of bed with excitement.  On the car ride over to the hospital, Jenny explained that her Daddy and Papi would also be Kiki's Daddy and Papi and that Kiki was coming home with us.  Coco said, "no, Kiki has Kira".  Uh oh...all the explaination has not seemed to sink in.  Jenny corrected her and she seems completely happy sharing her Daddy and Papi with Kiki.

Coco can not get enough of the park.  She would be there all day playing if she could.  Now that Kiki is here, she wants to be home with her.  Yesterday we went on an adventure to take her to her favorite park on Robertson in West Hollywood.  When we got there, she said, "I want to go home and see Kiki!"

The first viewing at the hospital

Kiki!!

 So Helpful!!

Back at the house in LA

Kiki has the cutest little hands!

Welcome Kiki!!



Welcome Kiki!!!  Our lovely daughter arrived at 1:26 pm on Wednesday May 2nd at Los Robles Hospital in Thousand Oaks California.

Here we are waiting for the doctor.  He was about 30 minutes late, but we forgave him...fortunately we didn't have somewhere more important that we needed to go.  Kiki weighted in 8 pounds 1 ounce and was 20 inches long.  Her head was a little over 14 inches which was off the chart in terms of the percentile (good thing she was C section)!

This is Kiki's Rocky Balboa pose - Free at last!!

Giddy Daddies at the warming table about 30 minutes after Kiki was born. 

I just had my first bath and I feel great!

So glad to finally meet you my sweet!

I think I Am Going To Be Sick (in a good way)

With less than 24 hours before the scheduled birth of our second daughter Kiki, I thought it might be interesting to try to describe what is going through my head right now.  It is a lovely mixture of fear, excitement, elation, anxiety and anticipation which eliminates any hope of a good night sleep and does a number on the digestive tract.  When we were anxiously waiting for Coco to be born, our friends Scott and Ron used to tell us, “just enjoy the feelings of uncertainty and mystery as you sit at a major crossroads in your life”.  Definitely not what I wanted to hear at the time, yet sage advice nonetheless.  This may be the last time in my life I am feeling this, so I might as well enjoy it.

The feeling of being past the 38^th week of pregnancy feels a bit like the week before Christmas when I was 8 years old, times 10.  There is so much anticipation that I could implode.  I remember being a kid and wishing that I could magically transport to the morning that Santa arrives.  Over the years I learned to just not focus on it, because I could drive myself crazy.  I am channeling those tools a lot lately.

The difference between Xmas and pregnancy is that the latter can come at any moment; it is not a fixed date.  So I need to not obsess over the due date, lest I go insane, but at the same time, I need to ready to rush to the hospital at a moment’s notice.  I used to pray that I not get the call at 4pm in the afternoon and need to battle the 405 traffic during rush hour.  It could take three hours to get from Century City to Thousand Oaks at that time.

The other difference with Xmas is that we are not unwrapping a present that we will forget about 6 months from opening it, we are going to meet our daughter, who will be one of the most important people in our lives!! So many unanswered questions:

·         Will she be healthy?

·         Will there be complications to the delivery?

·         What is she going to look like? (she is going to be a mixture of three different races and could have a wide variety of physical features)

·         What is her personality going to be like?  Will she and Coco get along?

·         Are we ready for this?

·         Will she discover the cure for cancer?  The first female president of the US?

I can’t imagine what it must be like to be a woman giving birth through all of this.  They probably have all of the above emotions plus need to worry about pushing an 8 pound bowling ball through their crotch. 

Experiencing a birth and the anxiety leading up to it are one of the true joys of life…but I am ready to be on the other side of this and meet our precious little Kiki!

Kiki's 37 Week Checkup

Last Friday we had our 37 week doctor's appointment.  We had previously been told that Kiki had flipped over and was head down, but when they did the ultrasound, it was clear that she was still head up. 

The doctor referred us to a specialist nearby who might be able to help Kiki turn head down.  After examining Kira and taking this fabulous ultrasound pic on the left, the doctor said would not do the procedure becuase the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck twice.  He mentioned that it is very unlikely that Kiki would turn and that we would need to do a C-Section.

We spoke to our doctor and he mentioned that he would like to conduct the C-Section at exactly 39 weeks, which is next Tuesday, May 1!!  Just one week left until we get to meet Kiki (assuming Kira does not go into labor before that) and squeeze those chunky cheeks!

Great article in the Guardian UK!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/apr/20/gay-parenting-emma-brockes

Great article about gay parenting in the Guardian regarding our friends Patricia Moreno and Kellen Mori.  Our attorney Will Halm is also featured.  Bravo all!!

Letter to Los Robles Hospital

Social changes usually comes gradually, but sometimes it comes quickly. The night that Coco was born, we were surprised to be asked to leave the hospital when visiting hours ended. We were initially told that we would be allowed to stay, provided a room was available. While disappointing at the time, our incident appears to have raised the awareness of how unfair the hospital's surrogacy policy is. The family of the surrogate was allowed to stay overnight, but the intended parents were not, while the newborn sat alone in the nursery on the first night of its life. There was a very strong reaction to our letter and we were assured that the policy had indeed changed.

For those of you going through the surrogacy process, this is an important thing to talk through with the hospital before the birth. If the overnight policy is not in writing, it is subject to the discretion of whoever is on duty that night in the Labor and Delivery wing.


April,11, 2012

Mr. Greg Angle
President and CEO
Los Robles Regional Medical Center
215 West Janss Road
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360-1847

Dear Mr. Angle,

I am writing to bring to your attention some unfortunate practices that occurred at Los Robles during the birth of our daughter, Coco Lee Fraley Self on February 4, 2010 that led to a negative impression of your facility.

A few hours after our surrogate, Kira Sanders, gave birth to our daughter Coco, my husband and I, her legal parents and the only people who had a band to remove her from the nursery, were told to leave the hospital. A member of the hospital administration stopped by the following day attempt to explain the policies of the hospital, but it was clear that there were a number of loopholes and inconsistencies in the policies and practices of the hospital. I am writing to understand if any progress has been made to clarify those practices.

When we had our initial interview with the hospital staff, it was clear that we could not be guaranteed a room to spend the night, but that they would allow us to stay in an extra room if it were available. We had been assigned a room before we were asked to leave around 10 pm on February 4, 2010 and that room was still empty when we returned at 6:30 am the following morning. The hospital administrator who stopped by the morning of February 5th told us that we were not allowed to stay overnight because we were not registered patients. Ironically, our surrogate’s husband was invited to stay.

We understand that our situation is not typical. The execution of a very clear policy of overnight visitation rights would remove the possibility of prejudice or discrimination, and avoid turning a moment that should be one of the most beautiful moments in a parents’ life, into feeling as though we are second class parents.

I would be happy to meet with you or one of your staff to discuss this matter further. We are expecting to have a baby on or about May 8th under the same circumstances. We are hoping to use your facilities and it would be helpful to hear if this procedure has been clarified.

Sincerely,


Chris Fraley

31 Week Doctor Appointment

Yesterday we headed up to Thousand Oaks to meet Kira for our 31 Week checkup and ultrasound. Everything looks great. Kiki is tracking a little on the bigger side. Her estimate weigt is 3 pounds 9 ounces. Kira says she is starting to get a little more active, especially at night.



We stll have not gotten a great ultrasound photo of Kiki. This was my favorite from yesterday. You can see her chunky cheeks. I can't wait to meet her!

Finally settled on a name!

So we finally decided that we are going to name our new daughter... Kiki!

As some of you may know, we had originally thought that we were going to name her Bunny(i). Victor and I both loved the name, and Coco sounded so cute when she said it. We had lots of bunnies running around our yard in Rye and Coco used to love to scream "Bunny!" whenever she saw them. Nene loved to take off chasing them too...much to our dismay.

Coco got very accustomed to referring to her sister as Bunny(i). Around 25 weeks, Victor brought Coco with him to Kira's doctor appointment and she got to listen to her sister's heartbeat. She clearly understood that her sister was inside of Kira. We would ask her, "Coco, what is your sister's name?" and she would say "Bunny!" Then we would ask her, " Where is Bunny(i)??" She would say, "Kira's Tummy!" One day, we heard her screech from the backseat of the car, "I want Bunny(i)!" She clearly can not wait to meet her new sister.

The reaction to our choice of names was a bit more dramatic than we had expected. At least five people (some extremely close friends and others that we did not know that well) exclaimed when we mentioned our proposed name, "OH PLEASE DON'T DO THAT!" Others thought it was kind of cute and charming. The main concern seemed to be that she would not be taken seriously with a name like Bunny. We do want to make it clear, however, that the decision to change her name was purely our choice and we are not succumbing to social pressure!! :)

Victor and I were having a difficult time agreeing on the spelling of the name. I wanted to spell it Bunny, Victor was really stuck on Bunni. It looked as though we were going to settle on Bunnie.

One morning last week, the three of us were sitting in our den in LA. I was reading a book to Coco that was illustrated by a woman named Kiki. I realized immediately that I loved the name. I said to Victor, "What do you think of the name Kiki??" Victor loved it and clearly Coco did too. We asked Coco if she liked the name Bunny(i) or Kiki for her sister, she said wildly, "Kiki! Kiki! Kiki!" And so it was settled.

Coco, Kiki and Nene...it does have a ring to it....doesn't it??

I am writing this so that one day Kiki will understand the story behind her name, lest we forget. She might get a kick out of understanding that she was almost named Bunny. I guess she can always change it to Bunny if she wants and she can spell it however she would like. My parents told me that if I were a girl, they were going to name me Daisy Marie. Thank goodness for that male chromosome!

Here we go!!

Here we go again!! The countdown to daddyhood is back! Next week we will will be 30 weeks pregnant!! We are due on May 8th. The journey has been great so far.



The embryo transfer took place on Friday, August 19th. We had three healthy embryos from the retrieval and fertilization. Normally, the transfer would take place after six days, but our doctor recommended that we transfer on the third day. Given that we would have been happy with the higher probability of twins, the doctor recommended that we transfer all three.





Here is Kira on transfer day. Kira gave birth to Coco and we are soo fortunate that she and her family agreed to go through the process again. After the transfer, Kira needed to be on two days of bed rest, so we checked into a nice hotel nearby and we tried to pamper her as much as possible. We must have watched 10 episodes of "Living with the Kardashians"!



Yipee!! It worked. Here was the six week ultrasound. At first, the doctor thought that he heard two heartbeats, but on the second check, there was only one. At twelve weeks, at the first trimester checkup, the doctor said, "would you like to know the gender?" We were a little confused because we thought that you could only tell at 16-20 weeks. We said, "of course!" He said, "It's a Girl!" We were thrilled, but a bit suspect because we have had friends that were told it was a girl at 12 weeks, but later told it was a boy. In any event, it was all good news.

Here is our daughter at 20 weeks. She was a little camera shy. Dr. Poliakin kept trying to get her to take a good picture, but she kept rolling over. He did say that she is tracking to be a big girl.

Kira had been very nauseous in the first trimester, but it had subsided by about this point and she started to enjoy some movement. She was kicking and moving a little bit, but was nowhere near as active as Coco.

New Blog

Thank you so much for being a part of our journey to Daddyhood! It has been quite a trip!

Now, it's time for the next phase of our adventure and we've started a new blog! Check out http://cocosdads.blogspot.com/ to follow our exploits in parenthood.

Cheers!

Coco and more Coco

Coco arrived!

Coco was born on Thursday, February 4th at 1:27 PM weighing 8 lbs. 9 oz. and measuring 19.5 inches. She is our perfect little angel and we are so in love with her.

Thank you all for all your support throughout our journey. Stay tuned for details on life with Coco!

Note from a friend

A friend of mine (Mac Robinson), who I've known for over 15 years sent me this wonderful note. The note is so touching and honest. It's amazing how many of our friends have shared their stories, thoughts and experiences with us along this journey. Each email, phone call, card, etc. have meant so much to us and really helped us to grasp (as much as we can at this point) the magnitude of what we are on the cusp of experiencing. Thanks for the wonderful note Mac!

Here's the note Mac sent (BTW, not a typo...Mac and many of my friends from Virginia call me Victro!):

Well Victro you are on the cusp of the most amazing event you will ever to be lucky enough to witness and be a part of. I never realized how miniscule the crap in my life was until Zac came into the world, screaming, crying and peeing all over the doctors as Al Green played in the background ("its 3 o' clock in the morning...well...."). They wiped him off and weighed him. He got his shots and he was screaming and I finally stopped jumping around and went close to his ear and said, "it’s ok buddy, we are gonna take care of you." He stopped crying and looked through the goop they put in his eyes and stared at me for a moment and then went back to screaming and peeing. It was in that moment of him staring at me that I realized my life as I knew it was over and I had bigger things to do. It was exhilarating and frightening all at the same time. Then they handed him to me and I just about lost my legs. Such a feeling that this little helpless child was now in my care. I took him to see his Mom, he was crying again but as soon as she spoke he got quiet and looked, then closed his eyes and slept. He was at peace. I sat there with him in my arms and Z stroking his forehead and had a feeling of what idiots we were to think we could do this, but mostly I really truly felt love for the first time. It was such a relief and so free and so unconditional. This was all reinforced when Max came, as he was attempting to literally leap into the world and was screaming as Al Green played in the background (eerie but true). I am very happy that soon you too will get the opportunity to feel it. It is like nothing you have ever had and even if you have another, you will never have it again. I call it "the reason." That is the reason for love, hate, protection, art, science, religion, war, freedom, passion, excellence, whatever...everything. I love ya buddy. Enjoy.
Your friend always, Mac

3 Days

So many questions, so few answers! LOL! We are so lucky to have so many friends and family members interested in all things Coco. We are in the home stretch and know that we'll be holding our little girl VERY SOON!

Yesterday (Sunday, January 31st), we spent the day with Kira and our friends Robin & Alexis. We had lunch at Caioti in Studio City, home of the famous "labor inducing salad" but so far, no such luck for us from the renowned salad! After that we took Kira to have a 90-minute reflexology & "faceology" session. All Kira seems to have gotten from that is a sore head from the practitioner banging stones on top of her head and sore ears from her talking to Kira so much during the session! LOL!

Kira did lose her mucous plug yesterday and had the "bloody show" so it can't be long now. Losing the mucous plug isn't the best indicator that labor is imminent, however, the bloody show usually means labor is just around the corner (usually about 48-hours) because it indicates that the cervix is beginning to efface (thin out). We will certainly see!

If Coco isn't born by Wednesday night, Kira will be induced on Thursday morning. Stay tuned!

Keep us all in your thoughts and prayers!

11 Days

OK, 11 days to go until our induction is scheduled on Feb. 4th. We are all hoping that little Coco makes her entry into the world before that date but you never know. If we've learned anything about pregnancy over the last 2 years, it's that we can't predict when anything is going to happen! LOL!

We had an appt. last Friday (Kira was 37 weeks 4 days) and she is staring to dilate (1 cm) but she is not effaced (meaning the cervix has not thinned out yet) and Coco is at -3 station (that means the baby still has quite a way to go down the birth canal!). That said, these things can change in an instant. It's really quite amazing and a lot of the triggers for labor are unknown so we wait!

Kira is definitely ready for the birth but not thrilled about an induction so we will most likely try some "natural" induction techniques at the end of next week (if she hasn't gone into labor). We have heard about a restaurant in Studio City that makes a salad that women all over Southern California travel to to eat because the salad dressing is believed to induce labor. Don't laugh! Hundreds of women swear by it and they are so protective of the recipe for the salad dressing that all employees have to sign a confidentiality agreement in order to work there. So, we're gonna go have a salad! Check out the link below for more info. about the salad. Also, foot reflexology is believed to trigger labor so next weekend we are going to take Kira for a reflexology session. Hey, it's worth a shot right! LOL!

In the end, we know that Coco will come when she is supposed to come. We are all having a little fun trying to figure out when that will be but will continue to wait patiently until the big day.

http://www.maternitysalad.com/

Are We Ready?

It's so hard to believe that we are literally days away from being Dads. After wanting something for so long, it is incredible to think that in short order we will be responsible for a beautiful and dear life.

As we wait for our daughter to be born, lots of thoughts have been floating through my mind. I've been thinking a lot about our parents and what they must have been feeling as they waited for us (me and Chris) to be born. They most likely experienced many of the same feelings of excitement, anxiety, nervousness, anticipation and fear that we are experiencing right now. I'm almost 40 and Chris is almost 41, yet our parents were going through this experience at 27 (my Mom) and 23 (my Dad) and Chris' parents had Chris in their early 20s too. I can't imagine becoming a parent at that age. They were all clearly more mature and responsible in their 20s than we were (LOL!).

I ask myself all the time if we are ready for Coco. Do we know what we're doing? Can we handle a baby? I don't have an answer! I'm not sure that you can ever be completely prepared for a life-changing event of this magnitude. What I do know is that we are filled with love for our daughter and I know that that love will allow us to be the best parents we can be for Coco.

Just a few days to go!

The Countdown Begins

So, we made it to LA and are getting settled in our home away from home. Truthfully, it's not so bad being away from NY at this time of year!

We are a little over 36 weeks now and things are moving right along. Kira came up to LA to spend the day with us on Saturday. We spent the afternoon sitting around chatting, feeling Coco move around (now that was AWESOME!!!), went out to eat and Kira and I (Victor) had an afternoon of beauty at the spa. (Chris opted for chatting on the phone and buying lots of moisturizers and hair products at CVS...). We had a wonderful time and it's really special to be able to share this time with Kira.

Kira started to feel "false labor" pains and Braxton-Hicks contractions on Friday night and they have continued. So, it looks like Kira's body is getting ready for the big day! Now the question is, when will that day be?!?! It will be a surprise to us all but no matter when it is we'll be prepared. If Coco hasn't come on her own by February 4th, Kira will be induced that morning.

In the meantime, we are trying to relax as much as possible while we wait to meet our daughter!

Stay tuned!

Coco at 32 weeks